So yeah, I have been forced to work with a craptacular laptop and every texture on any BSP I load with Sapien looks like it went through Sphinxbios map creation process then was vomited five times over. I am going out on a limb here and saying its my video card, but if my card can render (almost) any texture in game just fine, why not in Sapien?

Sapien runs at best settings.

Does it looks all red and yellow striped with black?

If so, it's corrupted lightmaps.

What Mythril said. Also, if it's not that, it may ba corrupted bitmaps/shaders. But I'm pretty sure it's just your lightmaps. Also, you might want to use a better computer for stuff like this.

Yeah, I've been seperated from my much better PC for months, since I moved to Mexico. Getting it back today, so it shouldn't be a problem anymore.
Even so, it does look all white and red and black... but this is for EVERY BSP that is loaded, even the default tutorial BSP that comes with the HEK.

This means that you have corrupted bitmaps.
Reinstall HEK or HCE.