hey all

I have made a lot of progress with my sp map

and I present to you the written script for the first cinematic

hope you guys like it and if you have crit then tell me

well hope you guy's like it:

GHP "unknown"

start of cinematic

Fades in from white...

the camera start walking around some stones and then a crashed pelican
wich is laying upside down comes in view in slow speed

Fades in and out with white

camera fades in from the view of spartan 021 inside the crashed pelican
(kinda like b30)

spartan 021: grr damn that was a nasty fall

Camera turns to the left and spots an dead marine

Spartan 021: damn that could have been me

camera fades in and out from black

seeing spartan 021 crouching in the pelican

Radio officer: Hello is that you spartan zero - two - one

Spartan 021: Yeah it's me, i had a pretty though landing, i must have dozed of for quite some time

camera moves slowly towards the spartan

Radio officer: yeah almost the whole battle is over
the rest of your team was able to acclompish the mission and
they already boarded the battleship Nekthosa.
We have set up a evac base a few miles from your location
You should move out now if you want to make the last few dropships
the covenant seem to be ready to glass the planet in just a mather of hours

Spartan 021: I'll better get going then...

Radio officer: Here i'll send you the cordinates right away

fades in and out from black

Camera goes forward with the speed of walking while crouched

before exiting the pelican the camera out and in from white

Spartan 021 with an assaulth rifle on his back walks forward op the tail of
the pelican overlooking at a desert from the cliff where the pelican crashed.

Fades out to white then with big black letters in the middle of the screen
name of the map "unknown"

fades out with white in fp view

end of cinematic

Who's doing voice acting?

Him? Lol. Anyway, looks pretty good, saw your videos on youtube on the bsps looks pretty awesome.

Tbh, I really don't like the dialogue. It's pretty uninteresting, and doesn't seem like something a spartan would say, Its too casual and non-military. The only way I could see some of it working is if the spartan had a American country accent, for example the first line. And the dialogue for the radio operator isn't right either, as I said it's not military enough. Throw in some more military lingo, but make sure it makes sense, not just thrown in for the heck of it.

E: For example, the radio officer wouldn't start a sentence with "hello" and the spartan wouldn't say "yeah its me", he would say "confirmed" or something similar.
Edited by corndogman939 on Apr 23, 2009 at 08:36 PM

oke ty for the crit

well the spartans where recruited from all part fo uncs controlled space not just america
i guesss this spartan has a dutch accent and ya will have to learn how to live with it ;)

the second part makes sense indeed
but not all spartans where completly 100% military when interacting
in the books, it says most of the spartans just interact with other spartans and almost never talk to other non spartans

there are however exceptions

in the book the fall of reach the spartan james i think
the 1 with a touch of gray in his hair
was interacting with other people besides the spartan team according to spartan 117
and was a more casual kind of guy then somebody who only hangs around the spartans
so this means that other spartans could have that trade

but indeed i think i make the radio talk more military like without making it to difficult to understand

I am thinking about changing it to something like this:

Radio officer: This is evac base alfa is that you spartan zero-two-one

Spartan 021: confirmative, I had a pretty rough landing, must have been out for quite some time.

Radio officer:The battle is over and the rest of your team was able to accomplished the mission and they already boarded the battleship Nekthosa.
We have set up a evac base a few miles from your location
You should move out now if you want to make the last few dropships
the covenant seem to be ready to glass the planet in just a mather of hours

ftfy
Edited by Bokito on Apr 24, 2009 at 02:51 AM

ty

Not bad. Parts were a little.....cheesy though.

You should learn how to do Halo scripting first before actually doing a voice script though.
Edited by Polamee on Apr 24, 2009 at 09:24 AM

what parts?